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address. president barack obama hits the floor for some reason with republican congressman eric cantor in tow in no way making this seem like a charismatic star performer walking the red carpet with his agent. baby doll we gotta move. mario lopez has a satellite window we have to him. [laughter] [cheers and applause] i'm sore i'm -- sorry. just sweat age bit. i'm just going to, just going to -- get something to drink here. [laughter] just so thirsty i can't -- sorry. should have drank something before the show. i don't know why i didn't think after this. anyway it's the state of union so as the late great ed koch would say, how we doing? >> a family with children making the minimum wage stills lives below the poverty. there's communities where no matter how hard you work it's virtually impossible to get ahead. >> jon: i mean who is running this (bleep), right, people? come on. he should get on this stuff -- oh, wait a minute. [ laughter ] for how long? but unfortunately the president continued paintedding his pick turf an america that sounded more like an applebee's laden distoapic hea
of an assault weapon which even under obama's rein would still be legal. fair point there are arbitrary aspects and silly aspects to the legislation that perhaps a young faced fresh legislator clearly eager to shape legislation could shape. maybe don't make it about the grip but fire rate magazine size. >> we hear that nobody needs larger magazines that thoses that use to shoot deers but an attacking criminal unlike a deer shoots back. >> jon: unlike a deer, someone hasn't seen bambo. lyme is the disease, bambo is the cure! he really looks a lot like a kangaroo right there. that's -- like a kangaroo imitating cleopatra. this gun control discussion is off to a standard and redundant start. are there any new arguments that can push the assault weapon ban forward. >> young women are speak out as to why the ar-15 weapons are the weapon of choice. >> jon: worst j-date profile entry ever. [ laughter ] that's gun activity gail prado. she has a story to tell why ladies need ar-15s. >> i would like to begin with the compelling story of sarah mckinley. home alone with her baby she called 911 when two vio
interrogation methods. >> president obama personal lay proved releasing the memos in such detail. >> jon: personally. he invited everyone to the memo release partism it's an invitation. although, ironically, guest list was classified. [laughter] now listen: we know how this administration feels about the executive branch withholding memos from congress because of the 2004 on the tortureos. >> will be provide -- torture memos. >> will you provide these to the committee? >> no i will not. >> you are not allowed under our constitution not to answer our questions and that ain't constitutional. [ laughter ] >> jon: by the way that's the name of his one-man off broadway show. ain't constitutional. you should have tagged it with that ain't constitutional mother (bleep). [ laughter ] i think that answers the question of whether the obama biden white house will release the memos detailing in specifics our drone strikes policy. >> will president obama release the memos? >> i have nothing for you on alleged memos regarding poe ten sally classified matters. without going into the alleged existence
and to the world. [ applause ] [laughter] >> jon: even obama thought that sentence was (bleep). [laughter] by the main question this raises is: what is in those drone memos that is so terrible the white house will give anything including information previously not seen about the benghazi attacks not to have to release them? the more we go to senior intelligence correspondent assif mandvi in washington. thank you for joining us. i understand, assif, if i'm not mistaken, you have obtained a copy of drone memos. >> what? um -- >> jon: are those the drone memos right there assif? >> right where? where? >> jon: in your hand. you got the -- >> no, no, no memos. never saw any memos, jon. i saw them oh, my god. >> jon: what are you looking up for? what is the up there? what is the problem, what are you looking up for? >> not any white house authorized domestic death drones. that's for sure. >> jon: is that a bullet-proof vest. there are drones here in america flying -- wait shall what? >> i would know nothing about that. so there would be no point in taking me out because i did not see the memos
. [ laughter ] listen an hour or so ago because i president obama wrapped up the first second term state of union address. we'll bring you complete team coverage there tomorrow. [ laughter ] spoiler alert there the state of the union, you know, fine. [ laughter ] you know, cumsecumsa. just this morning we were reminded about how these plea planned political events could be equipped. evil threatens our very dem cinch after my interview with former vice president dick cheney. >> jon: yeah! you thought i was talking about north korea nuke test. no, no, no my brother. [ laughter ] it's former vice president and professional frown hoarder richard p. cheney showed up on tv this morning. he doesn't have a new book, probably just promoting his new movie zero dark thirty. feel good picture of year. makes the dentist seen in marathon man look like a tickle fight. i give it four. why are we wasting our bandwith on this guy. what he is doing killing time while he is having his house repix lated. >> you think this president is weakening america? >> yes i, do. >> the obama administration if they were
a program note. last night we went all in on president obama, his administration and the secrecy regarding the seemingly ambiguous and power loaded u.s. drone program. you may have seen that at 11:00 on the way to checking out top champions. it's a show on the food network but it's december appointing because you are expecting champions and -- [laughter] at least show the documents to congress we pled to the president. show them to congress so that the two of you can abuse american power together as the founders intended. before we release that nugget into the -- what is it called -- a tv. [ laughter ] this little piece of news came out. >> president obama has directed the justice department to provide congressional intelligence committees access to classified information providing the legal rational for the drone strikes. >> jon: the guy just ruined our whole (bleep) show. just out of the clear blue boom! no warning. whole show, blew it up. [ laughter ] we tape at 6:30 and there's a four and a half hour lag time before the show airs. we did that whole thing. the reason we do that is becau
stereotypes just continue. here we go. obama beat romney about five million votes. that's with romney having won 27% of the latino vote which means if romney managed 17% mas the inauguration would have looked like this. >> jon: wait, what? what is going on with ann romney's hair? >> those bangs were happening no matter who won. [ laughter ] >> jon: does this immigration bill make up for past slights? i mean, gain the republicans the extra 17% they need? they've been hard on the hispanic community. >> probably not, jon. the problem for veabz that while over 90% of -- republicans is while over 90% of hispanics support immigration reform a full 65% of latinos hold grudges. 83% if it's something you did to their sister. [ laughter ] >> jon: al, how long would a grudge like that typically last? what would it take for hispanics to get over the grudge? >> a latino grudge on average lasts just over four generations. so right there -- >> jon: i get it. all right. [ laughter ] >> italian, irish -- >> jon: makes sense. >> the good news is that a latino generation is only seven years. >> jon: i didn't k
. [laughter] let's begin with the president. as you may know barack obama is a student of history. he learned two things in particular from the greatest president in history abraham lincoln. one when putting together a cabinet you need assemble a team of rivals and two, you cannot kill a vampire with an axe. you need a built-in shotgun in that mother humper. lincoln the vampire. [ laughter ] [ laughter ] didn't take off like we thought it would. [ laughter ] but to the first point when it came time to choose a secretary of defense barack obama demonstrated lincoln-esque team rivalling by choosing former nebraska senator chuck haaag -- hagge -- hagel. [ laughter ] he is a republican. a two term senator, vietnam vet. he was a simple process away from achieving that relatively only minor as secretary of lincoln's legacy but still it was doing this having hagel or doing that and you know, nobody wants to see that. >> the one thing i'm not going to do is vote on a new secretary of defense until the old secretary of defense leon panetta, who i like very much, testifies about what happened in bengha
in the obama economy. come on, i told you at the time things were looking up for the economy but i was (bleep) on that, too. he gives he is talking about the press secretary job and are never the same. >> i went into this very much believing the president was committed to be a bipartisan leader. i was deputy press secretary in the buildup to the war. like a lot of americans i wasn't certain about the rush to war. i was become more disillusioned. when i left the white house i needed time to take off the partisan hat and i wanted to think through why did things get so badly off track? >> jon: are you happy? you are broken. you know, if i'm president i don't want either a gibbs shall gibbs a jaded presence knowingly spill your secrets once he leaves office or mcclellan a former believer who in cleansing his soul spills your secrets. when you need is a jaded believer. oh. [ laughter ] a being so difficult and stub born they say it took three follow-ups to get him to tell you what he wanted for lunch. there's fleischer back in the day. >> there's no question we have evidence that iraq has weapons
want to make reference to two things. in the first when president obama was first integrated i probably -- >> okay, okay. >> i have the pillow, please allow me to continue. [ laughter ] this is the best ideas and expectations and we hope that the president is -- >> you can be very annoying because we find it hard to read you and you should listen to us as well because i feel like it doesn't happen much. after hours of intense discussion finally a breakthrough. we found the one area that would fix iferg instantly. >> one important idea. this is the issue of muslim world. the palestinian issue need it's be solved. this is really the most sensitive issue that needs the care of the administration. >> that is great. so all we have to do to build a relationship with the islamic world is solve the arab israeli conflict. >> i think that would be a major contribution. >> we had done it and now toll seal our historic agreement in the traditional manner and then bang. bang, up top. pound it out. and blow it up. >> thank you. >> maybe not the um, otherwise we're good. hasel tof. >> my pleasure. >>
math is slightly different but why does he still get michelle obama? that seems -- [laughter] -- heard of winner talk all but please s. some would call a proposal like that cheating. because that's what it is, but why not take a page from the playbook here. the language error is cheating. let's adjust that to winning to process innovation. ethics modulated democracy improvement. takes a lot of hard work and intelligence, really, to remain stupid. @"-wuu[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to the show. you know, over the years technology has done an all of lot for us as people. increased product activity, demom ties the information ax loves us to crush five pigs with only one bird. completely revolutionized cat transportation. why are you going? no, you are not? okay. okay. technology and its short comings is the subject of new reoccurring segment jon stewart uploads a stream -- i'd like to talk about reframing the segment. first off, robots. we know they are fighting our wars and boxing in place of hugh jackman -- [laughter] -- but did you know they are stealing our factory jobs.
-long recess >> president obama played golf with tiger woods in florida last weekend sniem i'm sure tiger woods has a lot of sequester advice. "i don't know, mr. president. did you ever try hitting it with a club?" i don't know. for more on the sequester we go to samantha bee in washington. the sequester is four days away. we're staring into the economic abyss. what is going on down there >> reporter: nothing, jon. everything will work out just fine. no need to panic. not like we're four days away from everything we know as the american way of life being destroyed. which is why i have in no way spent the last eight hours having sex with literally everything that moves. >> jon: sam, i mean you really sound like the world is ending >> reporter: that's right, jon. if you were smart you'd be bucket listing too. >> jon: i want to bucket list. the president is bucket listing >> reporter: golf with tiger woods? before that, the miami heat? an afternoon with the ladies of modern family. you know the first lady's bucket listing too >> jon: what is she bucket listing >> reporter: the bangs, jon. nobody o
Search Results 0 to 49 of about 52 (some duplicates have been removed)